How to be happy
"If only I had a million dollars. I'd be the happiest person on earth!"
"If only everyone would adore me, I would be the happiest person on earth!"
"If only this problem would go away, I'd be the happiest person on earth!"
You know, you pick up a lot of definitions of happiness just by scouting the blogs.
People write about things that excite them (=happiness?) So that means gadgets and what they had for breakfast in London, especially if it was their first time there. Exciting experiences. And it gets boring after a while and they move on to the next thing.
Just like flowers, incense, and the old cellphones you've tossed away, these objects / experiences and the nice feelings you have about them stay only for a short while. When they get old, you'll be up and about searching for the next thing to excite you. You know what you want but after you get it, you somehow realize its not quite what you want.
Sometimes, instead of possessions, we think of happiness as the absence of problems. I've blogged about how this breaks apart too. Here's an experiment you can do. Find an adrenaline junkie, people who like doing dangerous stunts like base jumping or racing on a track. Ask these people why do what they do. Invariably they'll tell you its because it makes them feel "alive."
And with that motivation we create competitive sports, beauty pageants and American Idol. Activities that look like pure energy-wasters from an evolutionary standpoint. What else can we call creating unnecessary competition and spending an inordinate amount of resources trying to beat an imaginary enemy. No other species does that.
So for those who say happiness is having no problems, you know what? I'm not so sure. Remove problems and you also remove self-affirmation, the feeling of "I'm still alive" or "I'm better than you." It seems that we constantly need to pinch ourselves. That's how insecure we are as a species.
That's why we're weird creatures. Special, but weird. Possessing things don't make us happy for long, and neither would going without problems. We get restless, drinking in everything we can get our hands on - gadgets, experiences, knowledge, eating, and sleeping - but that thirst, it never quite goes away does it.
So where is happiness if its not in having or not having?
In fact, how do we even define happiness?
These are the questions I always find deep in the rabbit hole.
13 comments:
hmmmmm. That's a very good topic.
I think happiness comes with accomplishment. It's a part of life thing I guess. Some people do things to feel alive because it's their way of appreciating and feeling life intimately instead of going through the usual boring motions. We need a thrill, then there is accomplishment to say that I've done this and that. I've put up a new post on my blog that features a guy who might have just done it all but couldn't. He still keeps on living and creating hell, or pure heaven depends on one's conversation style. I think only when one has done something that they learn from every experience. Life is a learning experience. It isnt stagnant.
Love,
Xen!!!
Hi Xen!
Yeah, we derive happiness or relief thru accomplishment. And then the relief fizzles out after a few hours or days. And then like smoking ciggies, we find ourselves frantically searching for another fix.
Not to make a simple thing sound complicated but in the rabbit hole, you get to see things under a giant microscope. It occurred to me that if you keep having to buy packs of smokes, then it means you're never really satisfied. You're hungry for more. That hunger is a form of suffering. Its just like drinking water. We drink many times a day because after some time we get thirsty again.
Now some treat the search for water (to quench that thirst) as fun. I see that in my thrill seeker friends. Others may see continual thirst as something disturbing, because the search for water can lead us to situations we may not want to be. Situations that bring anger, regret, stuff like that, rather than actual peace. Now imagine having to deal with this thirst 20 times a day every day for 70 years, no breaks. (Recall how many sighs of dissatisfaction or irritation you express about something every day).
So question I was trying to pose was, is there something that can make us truly and permanently happy, because the things that we thought would make us happy (like money, experiences, knowledge, even the search for god) had never been able to lead us to that vast watering hole. They come, stay a while, and vanish, making us spend our whole lives wishing we could catch them but we never really could.
Like I said, when we are young, the chase itself is fun. We're still discovering, exploring. Its really fun to jump out of airplanes. But there will come a time when it becomes a broken record and that question will hit us - isn't there something that could make us permanently happy once and for all?
Some spiritual sharing that I have been taught. Happiness may be achieved if we eliminate or at least minimised the 5 vices in each and everyone of us. Those vices are 1. lust. 2. anger. 3. attachment. 4. greed. 5. ego. They are of course easier said than done. It is a really an effort making process trying to minimise those vices. Eg jealousies, hatred are the progeny of ego. Those few that can really get rid of those 5 vices are considered as "deities-like". One of the methods to facilitate this are of course through meditation, ie. focusing one's mind on the Cosmic Energy. It give us the inner strength. Visit my post dated 18/12/08. Hehe.
awww damieenn... are you unhappy? :O
xen was just wondering... :(
or are you in search of something more?
@Eagle: yupp, that needs ALOT of meditation and discipline...
@Eagle,Yes, that is what I've been taught too. You learnt it from a seminar in an evening. I learnt it from being beaten black and blue by my martial arts teacher for a few years. ^_^
The path to internal peace is easy to spell out and like Xen said, it is very difficult to accomplish. But knowing that there is a path itself gives hope.
@Xen,Me, unhappy? ^_^ Haha, no, I'm actually pretty excited right now. In about 4 hours I'll be on a plane bound for Incheon, South Korea. Anyway, sometimes I get into the explorer mood and start poking around the things we take for grated, like happiness. I take it apart just to see what's inside and what I wrote is a description of what I saw. Its a practice that I do. Some call it contemplation. Some call it meditation.
Why do I do it? To get a deep understanding of why we are the way we are and in the process, chip away that constant thirst. Everything starts in the mind so if there's anything we need to fix, that's where we start.
The other reason is fun. If you can stand in a crowd free of thirst when everone around you is frantically searching for a drink, now that's when the real fun starts. ^_^
"The other reason is fun. If you can stand in a crowd free of thirst when everone around you is frantically searching for a drink, now that's when the real fun starts. ^_^"
Awwww Damien~~~ ;)WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA We're on the same wavelength!!! Woot woot!!!
Anyway, I am still in search for a place to learn martial arts. My friend says that I have to get good basics. But alot of people tell me that I'm too old for it... Well, basically I'm too old for anything except work admin. But If i dont do the things that I want to do, I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO DO THEM ANYMORE!!! And if you're wondering how old am I, it's the year after I get the keys....
Well then, it's happines on the run for me, however, according to MOST people 99.999999999% I'm running the other direction, the wrong way in search of it...
You know I've been wanting to tell you something but you know it might seem really REALLY wierd and you might NEVER want to talk to me again... but anyway, you know i'm catholic right? One day I was walking down town, if you know Singapore, Orchard road, and I suddenly felt... That the whole place was evil. I mean seriously. Just evil. Distractions really. Yes I believe in God and the Devil and that he's trying to distract us from God by putting as much distractions so that we spend time chasing after distractions rather than focus on what's important. It was some time ago, about last year. It felt dark and evil and that something's just not right with it, however, it wasnt dark out, it was sunny, people walking talking laughing, bright lights and all. It's in explainable... Then it all vanished. Ok, maybe not evil, but there's no other way to put it. The feeling was dark and not nice.
Did I tell you about the ball that I... err... felt? I don't know how to put it. I saw a ball, but not really saw... maybe felt a ball. It was white, goldish thingy and it was spinning. Everything else just diminished incomparison to that spinning ball. It's spinning, not fast, not slow, just really constant. It was like balance, peace and I dont know what, but it was huge too. It's like nothing else mattered to that ball. It's like the closer you reach it, the more other things don't matter at all.
It's so wierd... especially the evil shopping thingy. It wasnt really shopping but the whole concept of evil in it's works.... And it keeps me wondering if it's placebo....
Thoroughly Confused!!
Xendis
Xen! You saw a spinning ball? Dude you weren't smoking something and it wasn't a UFO right? Kidding. ^_^ Sounds like your mind is venting. Like daydreaming. Happens.
Orchard road evil? You're kidding! I reserve that for places like Far East Plaza and certain parts of Geylang, wink wink. I see mind shift again. You might have been preoccupied about something and a scene you saw acted as a subconscious trigger. Or in my lingo, there was a computer glitch and for a brief moment you saw the Matrix for what it really is.
Yeah, parties and retail therapy are great distractions. They can also make you reflect in the same way that you learn ice cream makes you sick when you try to put down a gallon in one sitting. For some of us, the only way to get the response is to dive into the stimulus. That's why shopping can be a nice spiritual teacher.
Anyway what you see as a evil place of distraction, I see a place of suffering. The delight people get from the things they buy only lasts a short while. In no time they'll be up searching for the next one, and the next one, and the next one. When whole lives are dedicated to scratch an itch that never goes away, you have suffering. Or evil, as you put it.
I don't reject shopping. I merely train myself to stand in the midst of a thousand shoppers and feel some empathy, becoz I know that in about a month, they'll get sick of the the thing they have in their shopping bags and they'll be out for more.
Well, its starting to look like your view is evolving, and that's a good thing. Yeah I know you're catholic. That makes you ahead of the game. You already have the things you need to define happiness differently.
You're too old for martial arts? Nonsense. You're not gunning for an Olympics medal right? So mind if I ask, what do you hope to find in learning martial arts, apart from being able to beat the crap out of someone?
And btw, I think we're less than 5 years apart in age. ^_^
well one yes, to beat the crap out of somebody when i travel alone, others is discipline and meditation. With some energy works aka chi gong. I don't know really, mostly keep fit enough to take care of myself when i go wandering.
I seriously dont know what it has to offer in it's full glorious extent, but I've always wanted to learn it since i was a kid but never got a chance... =\\
Sighs
Hey Xen,
I don't know about Sg but most commercial martial arts schools concentrate on the physicals because thats what students are interested in. If you want to learn meditation they'd probably ask you to join a yoga class or something.
Sorry I'm not much help but if I could offer a tip, ask around for an unknown low-key teacher. Understand his background. I would not study under an Olympic medalist or some well-decorated champion because a person who appreciates the philosophy would want fame as much as he wants poison.
Hmmmm. you've got a point. I'll go check it out. Finding a martial arts school is hard... Finding a low key one... HARDEST. ROFL!
But thanks. It's a good advice. Oh, I posted something about kids and parents. Enjoy the cartoon! XD
Xen!!
Have you set up a new blog? Your old one at xendis.multiply.com hasn't been updated since April 4! Or did you put your newer posts in stealth mode? ^_^
:O OMG they didnt update it? I thought it was an auto update. I have one at livejournal and it auto updates at bothe places. =\\ im going to check it out...
Oh, the other one, which is also the same posts is at livejournal.
http://xenriael.livejournal.com/
P.s for some reason i couldnt get Xendis.... sighs
Love Xen
Yeah, multiply doesn't behave very predictably. That's why I quit it and went to blogspot. Maybe you'd like to put up a dedicated post in multiply to say you're now on livejournal?
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