Spiritual people are weird

A friend of mine once said she finds it hard to reconcile between Damien the guy who has an opinion on spiritual matters (*woooooo... makes the sound of a ghost*) and the 20-something year old entreprenuer wannabe who loves a prank or two.

Damn, she must still remember that last trick I pulled on her back in college which I won't get into to save someone some embarrassment. :)

Actually I think my dad has been trying to figure out the same thing too. Is Damien the serious spiritual seeker, the semi-serious business hack, or the completely unserious and insensitive brat he's had a few man-to-man talks with.

And I have brought this up a few times: dude, why can't I be all three?

Everyone assumes that someone who enjoys a good time is incapable of being spiritual and vice versa. We'll, I'm not too sure about that. Then again, I've always been somewhat of a non-conformist, to put it mildly. Not only do I not conform to elder people's expectations. I also don't conform to younger people's expectations. ^_^

This what I'm talking about, in case you're wondering.

Age 1 - 11: Everything's a game. People who don't want to play are lame.
Age 12 - 18: We rebel against everything grownups root for. And everything's a joke. We run our dad's car into a tree and then say geez dad, can't you take a joke?
Age 19 - 25: We crave to be part of the "in" crowd. We scream lifestyle and attention. We feel suicidal if we're told we don't fit in.
Age 26 - 35: Shit, life is tough. Better get serious. But those bright lights... they're still calling us.
Age 36 - 50: Bills, bills, bills. Don't come to me for an allowance. And turn down that damn noise will ya.
Age 51 - beyond: Gimmme some peace and quiet, dammit! I'm trying to pray / meditate here.

So... which camp are you in?

I'm "supposed" to sit squarely in the Age 19-25 camp so I can understand why the raised eyebrows when I slide up and down their preprogrammed scale. The 20-somethings think I'm weird for being able to slide way up to the Age 51 and beyond scale.

You see, 20-somethings are NOT supposed to have a spiritual opinion because that makes you a shit-eating tree-hugging weirdo. Definitely not one of us, they say.

And older people? They think I'm weird too. You talk like a grown up, they say, but why do you look like a teenager?

Not that I care.

Its fun to confuse everyone. And because I'm just a little better at keeping my cool, I'd like to think I'm more objective when it comes to making a tough choice. You need plenty of that in the 19-30 range as you know.

But here's a well-hated fact. People grow up at different rates. I've seen enough older people who dress up like teenagers and young kids who dress like grown ups. And in trying to conform to some imaginary scale, spiritual people try to put on the mask of a hip and happening person and vice versa. Creepy.

Why all these masks? If everyone spends all that energy to be who they can be, instead of trying to be who they're not, wouldn't we have a happier and more genuine bunch of people around us?

Ok. Back to the real world and my choco-top ice cream cone...

The God complex

I've written about this some time ago so this will be an updated take on the topic.

It hit my mind again during my recent trip to Seoul as I looked at the amazing reach of large Korean conglomerates. On the surface, a company may seem like its producing LCD TVs but if you take a closer look, you begin to notice how they've got their fingers into everything. The same company that made your LCD TV also builds massive ocean-faring vessels, buildings 100 stories high, cars and trucks, cameras, microwave ovens, cellphones and microchips that go into your electronic devices. They're in it from the very big to the very small.

There's one word describes this. Omnipresence. It means being present in everything you touch. Well... ok, they're not actually into everything. At least, I dont think they cooked my breakfast today ^_^ but are they present in the appliances that my breakfast was cooked with? Chances are... yes.

Anyway, I digress. What do I mean by the God Complex? It is the desire to create a world in our image. When we desire to control our environment, that's the God complex in action. You've seen artificial snow I'm sure. Artificial rain, artificial mountains, even artificial beings (through genetics and stem cell procedures).

When we wish to control other people - how they think and behave - that's the God complex in action too.

At least, that's going by how people describe God to me. I'm told that God is an entity that is everywhere. He created this world in his image and has the power to raise people up or bring them down. He has the power to give life and take it away.

So you'll understand why something clicks in my mind when I see what some of these gigantic corporations do. A couple of years ago I spent a week in Guangdong at the invitation of a large corporation there. They had a huge sprawling complex where a thousand people worked and lived. The corporation provided everything - income, food, shelter, entertainment, even birth and funeral expenses. The corporation also had the power to kick out anyone who didn't follow the rules and in a place like China, joblessness can mean a very, very harsh life.

They kept tabs on everyone through a people-locator system. There were video cameras all over. You are given a set of rules to live by. Your conduct (good deeds and sins, especially sins) is recorded. You are judged by the boss-God who has the power to keep or terminate you anytime. As long as people toe the line, life goes like clockwork.

If that sounds familiar, that's probably because your workplace operates along the same lines. If your workplace is your "world," then your big boss literally plays God over you. He tells you what you shall do, he judges you and he dictates your fate in the "world" he lords over. And if you were in a drug cartel in South America, he can dictate if you shall live or die today.

And its not just your boss that has the God complex. Everyone does, including you. Your parents, for example, created you in their image. You look like them, and they try to fashion you into someone they want you to be. You'll do the same when its your turn to become parent. In fact, sometimes I think its the strongest of natural drives in humans - the desire to create something in our image. How strong? Without a child to bring up, a woman gets restless as she struggles to suppress her maternal instincts. Man too becomes restless without something to create, even if its just hammering wood into something that looks halfway useful. We are always creating, creating... never stopping.

Who are the big-time 'Creators' in our society? Artists, programmers, cooks, designers, architects, music writers, bio-engineers, movie producers, inventors.

It puts up a whole new meaning into the word "Godliness" doesn't it.

Obviously, having a God complex is not the same as being God. A man cannot bring a dead man to life. At least not yet. We are still trying to do that via cryogenics and cloning (which I'm confident we'll succeed). What I mean is that if we characterize God as a creator, we must also recognize the same creationist streak in all of us too.

But if the things we create today don't impress you, come back in about 100 years 'cause from what I hear, we are already creating antimatter (dubbed the "God particle") and singularities (black holes) in a lab. These are main ingredients that can help us create the Big Bang itself, just like what God did billions of years ago.

4 hours to Seoul

I’m leaving for Seoul South Korea today for some work and a quick vacation that will keep me out and about till Sunday.

There won’t be any updates on this blog until I come back Monday.

Meanwhile, dig this vacation tune and have a good one folks.

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How to be happy

"If only I had a million dollars. I'd be the happiest person on earth!"

"If only everyone would adore me, I would be the happiest person on earth!"

"If only this problem would go away, I'd be the happiest person on earth!"

You know, you pick up a lot of definitions of happiness just by scouting the blogs.

People write about things that excite them (=happiness?) So that means gadgets and what they had for breakfast in London, especially if it was their first time there. Exciting experiences. And it gets boring after a while and they move on to the next thing.

Just like flowers, incense, and the old cellphones you've tossed away, these objects / experiences and the nice feelings you have about them stay only for a short while. When they get old, you'll be up and about searching for the next thing to excite you. You know what you want but after you get it, you somehow realize its not quite what you want.

Sometimes, instead of possessions, we think of happiness as the absence of problems. I've blogged about how this breaks apart too. Here's an experiment you can do. Find an adrenaline junkie, people who like doing dangerous stunts like base jumping or racing on a track. Ask these people why do what they do. Invariably they'll tell you its because it makes them feel "alive."

And with that motivation we create competitive sports, beauty pageants and American Idol. Activities that look like pure energy-wasters from an evolutionary standpoint. What else can we call creating unnecessary competition and spending an inordinate amount of resources trying to beat an imaginary enemy. No other species does that.

So for those who say happiness is having no problems, you know what? I'm not so sure. Remove problems and you also remove self-affirmation, the feeling of "I'm still alive" or "I'm better than you." It seems that we constantly need to pinch ourselves. That's how insecure we are as a species.

That's why we're weird creatures. Special, but weird. Possessing things don't make us happy for long, and neither would going without problems. We get restless, drinking in everything we can get our hands on - gadgets, experiences, knowledge, eating, and sleeping - but that thirst, it never quite goes away does it.

So where is happiness if its not in having or not having?

In fact, how do we even define happiness?

These are the questions I always find deep in the rabbit hole.

Those colors, what do they mean

I can see a lot of these flags sprouting up on my drive to work. I've always wondered if there was any meaning behind the flag, other than to make the surroundings look colorful and cheery.

Thanks to Wiki, now I know.


Of course, a flag is just a picture and a picture is just that - colored ink on material. Not much different than the shirt I wear.

So its not the flag. Its the meaning we associate with the flag and how much of our actions resonate with such ideals.

Its also a clever reminder that ultimately, flags don't change anything and neither do statues, pictures, and words.

Wesak Day is coming

There is something about this year's Wesak that's different than the past ones I've observed. Not that I've seen many. In the US, Buddhism is not mainstream. Well, everyone seems to know the Dalai Lama but mention Siddhartha Gautama and you'll probably get a blank stare. "Sid who?" Haha.

Why is this year's Wesak Day different? Because in no other year has Siddhartha's musings struck a chord in me so many times.

Even way before I stumbled on his musings that were written down in so many places, I've always been drawn to look beyond the "Ooh its beautiful!" or "Ooh its ugly!" level that most people care to waste their time on. I can't help but look behind the first layer, the second layer, and so on.

I have this penchant to ask why and if I ask why enough times, I find myself waking up in the rabbit hole, facing things that ordinary people would rather not see.

There's a saying. If you know how hot dogs are made, you would never want to eat them. And its not just hot dogs in my opinion. Its more. A whole lot more.

But that's the beauty of living in this eat-first-think-later dimension. Here, ignorance is bliss. Knowing why spoils the fun, and wanting to know why makes you weird. "Don't think too much!," friends and family urge me. I just smile, knowing that awareness and mindfulness can happen when my brain is asleep.

But if there's a single biggest clue that I've gotten from Sid's musings this past year, its this: Nothing you have is ever truly yours, and your future is not carved in stone no matter how good or bad you have it today.

Okay that's 2 things, not one. ^_^

And these are not something that came out of faith. They are from repeatable observation, that incovenience required by empirical science, helped along by some mathematical modeling.

This is not to say that I disregard faith. I just find the language of mathematics more precise in describing "reality" so if something mystifies me, the first thing I do is try to reconstruct it in mathematical language. Then I use the rules of logic (as opposed to blind faith) to help me rationalize the picture.

As they say, whatever floats your boat.... and this happens to be mine.

Anyway, Sid's musings just affirm my own findings of what's behind the matrix, based on my limited ability to perceive. But like a giant video game, there are many levels to go, many planes of awareness that I'm not capable of jumping on yet. I am learning.

So for Sid's birthday, all I can say is thanks dude. You've left enough breadcrumbs in the long rabbit hole to give me a good start. And I have a feeling what I'll find at the end of it will blow me away.

The round square

Okay so the title's corny but I don't know how else to describe me - a square person trying to fit into a round hole. A spiritual person trying to fit into a place that's anything but.

Everyone's content with living on the surface. Everyone goes ooh! I saw this great racer at the showroom! I had the best chicken kiev ever! She's the most gorgeous girl I ever laid me eyes on!

And what do I do? I have to go and ask myself why. Why should I care about the racer? Or if it was the best chicken kiev in town? Or about that beautiful face that will grow a thousand wrinkles 30 years from now?

If you think I'm thinking too much, relax. No thinking is involved. These things just strike my consciousness in the same way you notice that the sky is blue. You don't think about it. You just notice that it is. I just happen to notice more than the average dude. A whole lot more. Without any thinking.

So beyond shapes, colors and sounds, my senses are accustomed to picking up things behind the scenes. What you see as some desperate guy hitting on a hot chick, I see hormones, greed, lust, insatiable thirst. Its like seeing a house as its parts - bricks, wood, metal, plumbing, termites and all.

I have been told many times - take life as it comes. Don't read too much into things. Keep life simple and take things at face value. You like that polar bear? Go pet it. If it bites your arm off, well... we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Why do you overthink everything. Just do it.

Well, its great that people care enough about me to give me such advice. Life would be a joy if we all took everything at face value. There will be no suspicion, no fights, no distrust, and everyone will be walking around with huge smiles on their faces.

And after the lovefest, everyone goes back to a home secured with 3 padlocks and an electronic alarm.

And that's the whole problem. You see, my mind picks up these little things and connects the dots, often without me telling it to. But I cannot say, "Dude, don't play with that candle. You'll burn your finger." I can only observe, watch the house burn down, and then tell myself, "Would it have been any different if I told him what I knew?"

Maybe you have a little bit of this too, perhaps being just as spiritual or having learnt out of experience. Trouble is, I didn't have much of a learning curve. Not unless I include my martial arts training and brief stint in social work. For as long as I can remember, my mind had instinctively looked through the packaging and linked cause and effect like it was on autopilot. As you can imagine, peer pressure at school didn't get my goat as much as it did my friends.

But the heightened sensitivity does put me on constant alert. Imagine riding into a battlezone everyday and being conscious of every single arrow pointing at you. Again, no thinking. Your mind just notes it and files it away. It effects how you conduct yourself. You go racing down the highway at 100 miles an hour with a friend but you put your selt belt on. You splurge on treats but you keep your credit cards at home. You join your friends for happy hour but you order a coke.

Like I said, I'm a round square. Does that make me an untameable freak? Sure, I guess. ^_^